My entire summer until now....

Sorry I haven't been blogging. Unlike when I started the blogg I've been living instead. I made my way down to San Diego in June and it's been a whirlwind summer ever since. After moving to my adorable apartment in San Diego I flew to Chicago to visit my old college buddy Beder. We had a few Tequila shots, swam in lake Michigan...well I waded in as he watched in fear of the cold ass water and discussed the good old days. He walked me to my bus, we kissed and I left with the intent of never seeing him again.  

 I got on the bus headed to Cleveland drunk and weepy. My step mom my picked me up from the bus stop 5 hours later. I was thirsty but happy to be in one of my homes. As I got off the cherry red double decker mega bus I spotted three young black women with large pride signs. I wish I had grabbed my camera. The image made me tear up again. They were teenagers, maybe 17 and in rainbow colors. They weren't from the suburbs of Cleveland but I could only assume from the heart of the city. They ran with joy to greet their friend letting the whole bus load of people know it was PRIDE damit!! And I guess Cleveland knows how to do pride like no other. Unfortunately I was unable to attend pride but I did get to go to my family's reunion, which was just as historical. It would be difficult to explain why we were having a John's family reunion if I didn't first describe how it all came about.

Last fall I went to Maui. Connected with an old friend from high school and had an emotional breakdown that lasted for several months. This breakdown was due in part to realizing I was 26 in control of my own life and completely unhappy. I had only myself to blame for my unhappiness and I didn't know how to change it. I thought I was on top of the world. I had a good job, made good money and was finally moving to California like I had always dreamed of but I was suffering. For those of you who were reading my blogg before I won't recall the suckyness of my last job. So at the advice of my friend from high school I began looking at how I was either making myself happy or making myself sad. I realized I was unhappy that my father didn't have a real relationship with me or my older brother. I wanted them so badly to meet and make our family whole again. When I was 20 my oldest brother died and since then we've had a hole in our family.  So I began pushing for a family reunion. And it was wonderful. All the living siblings under one roof in my father's house. It wasn't perfect but it was necessary. I hope everyone took something away from it. I'm so often in my own world I don't sense how other people are dealing with situations. I spent a week in Cleveland preparing for the party, navigating family ties and spending time with my little sister, big brother and soon to be sister in law Risa. It was a blast. After the party was over my Dad and I met my brother and Risa at the airport to say our farewell. It was the most touching part of the entire reunion when my Dad nervously turned to me and asked "Do you think he had a good time?" It was nice to know my Dad really cared.

So the next day I got back on the bus headed to Wisconsin. As fate would have it I got on the same bus as my ex-grandfather who I affectionately refer to as Grandpa Bill. He's my mom's ex-husbands father. He was my grandfather for a huge chunk of my young life. The period in which I development my middle class values and Catholic school upbringing. He was a professor at UW Madison, the school I attended for my undergraduate and the soccer coach for the men's team. It's funny I never realized what a HUGE impact he had on my self development until I sat with him. I was mostly interested in how he met my grandmother and why he decided she was the one. It was simple... he missed her. They met in teachers college. He was older than her but a year behind since he had served in the army to pay for school. They hung out but when she was done with school she moved to Maui. While she was in Maui he missed her. I thought that was the most honest and valid reason for wanting to be with someone I had ever heard. So he moved to Maui. In fact I was surprised to find out that the town they used to live in was my favorite towns on the island. It was the only place I would have wanted to live. It's an old Plantation town outside of Hana. So the bus came to a halt in Madison and we hugged promising to keep in touch but knowing it would not happen.

I got off the bus and forgetting I was in Wisconsin not California, I sat in the grass and immediately was covered in mosquito bits. F-Wisconsin. A few minutes later my mom came flying into the parking lot in her cute little red car....TBA